So tomorrow my son will be officially 6 months old. I feel it's close enough to call it. The time has gone by so quickly. I never had a very small baby in the first place, but I do miss his smallerness. He's in clothes for 12 to 18 month olds. It's been such an interesting experience the whole parenthood thing. My little one is such a sweetheart. He gives me hope for future babies. I was always depressed about the idea of bringing life into this sad world. But now I see the joy that a child can bring.
He can sit up pretty well on his own now, and he is so close to crawling. He goes backwards at the moment. But I'm sure it will click soon. He has the sweetest laughter. I never knew that I liked babies. Now I am excited about the possibility of more.
I have been taking pregnancy tests regularly just in case. And as usual today, it was negative. Breastfeeding has kept my fertility away so far. And I think it's pretty neat. I wonder how much longer before my cycle returns or I get pregnant again. I hear that 14 months or more is pretty normal with the type of intensive breastfeeding I am doing. Honestly, I would be excited if hubby and I were expecting again. I pray that God would change my attitude about pregnancy itself though. I don't want to be a grump next time. I would like to have that enjoyment of pregnancy I hear so much about.
I think I have the lightheadedness under control now. As long as my weight is at least 126.5 pounds I feel well enough to exercise. It is pretty easy these days to let my weight dip below 125. I have to eat so much. But if I want to exercise then that's just what I have to do. Maybe it will get easier with time.
It's hard some days getting used to all the changes in my body. I don't know yet how many changes are permanent and how many could go away with time. My belly is still wiggly. But on the bright side, it's not huge. It feels huge and looks huge to me. But it's not huge even if this was the belly of a woman who did not have a baby. I wonder how long it will be for the skin to finish tightening up if it ever will. The massive amount of stretch marks are fading just a little. They are still pretty pink. But I tend to take longer to heal then most others. I tend to scar easily too. I don't think I will look awful in a two piece bathing suit. But I definitely have the marks of motherhood one me. I don't like to think of them as battle scars. But rather, marks of AWESOMENESS. Because I am awesome. And I birthed an awesome baby. Even though my experience with my midwife was crap, that doesn't take away from how neato my body is.
I am in awe of the female body. How it can grow, birth and feed a baby. I have a whole other person who has grown entirely from me. Now that he is starting on some solids, it feels almost like the bird leaving the nest somewhat. It's sad and so cool at the same time. My son's middle name means beloved.
These days, I am working on improving my fitness when I can. I can handle a lot more than I could a few months ago. I am trying to eat a healthy diet too. I think of myself in a pre-conception period. If I think of it that way then I will be more concious of my own health. I have gone six months breastfeeding without the use of any formula. And I have a cute chunky baby and the absence of aunt flo to show for it. Kinda neat.
